We are sitting in the CICU still. Emma Kate was given floor orders this morning but there are no beds available in the step-down unit. So we wait in our own little private room in the icu and hope another family is discharged so we can get one step closer to Birmingham. EK is doing awesome. As I write this she is snuggled peacefully in Bethany's arms and they are both content. And all I can think about is home.
On one hand I am ready to be there. Ready to sleep in my own bed. Ready to wake up to Anna Brooke asking for "nemo" juice. Ready to take a shower in my own shower. I am ready to lay in our bed with our two little girls and see Anna Brooke learn to be a big sister. And I am ready to see Emma Kate grow stronger and learn to smile and laugh.
On the other hand, I am not quite ready to leave. This surgery has been so straining on us mentally for quite a while. And yet it has been such an incredible experience to encounter. Please don't get me wrong, I have hated seeing my daughter endure what no child should and my wife what no parent should. But somehow, now, I feel so refreshed. It has been terrifying, humbling and breathtaking. Now watching her sleep and breath on her own I feel I can breath. Through this chaos has come complete order. I believe that these events only happen a few times in life. And the outcome of this event is my amazing Emma Kate.
This has been the greatest journey I have ever been apart of and I am just a bystander. I have laughed, cried, sang, cursed and have gained more insight into life than I could have ever imagined. I have witnessed the birth of my beautiful daughter, witnessed the indescribable mystery of God's creation, witnessed the awesome ability of man's medical might and witnessed the wonderful power of prayer from family, friends and complete strangers.
I am ready to be home. But I am not ready to forget this. I fear when we get home life will become fast paced again. I fear going to work and toiling over meaningless things. I fear getting caught up in the mundane, getting caught up in the things that don't matter. In here, life seems so simple: Love my wife, my girls, my family and everyone else. Love them all with everything that I am. Be sincere and live each moment with the same passion as my Anna Brooke. And take each breath with the gentleness of my Emma Kate.
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"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalms 139:14
4 comments:
Happy 2 Week birthday to Emma Kate! I hope the first night in Step Down was a success, and that you all will be home soon!!
love you guys!
-kristy
Ive been praying for you guys! By the way, she is beautiful! :)
-Hayley Stokes
We SO know how you feel. I can absolutely relate. And I needed to read that this morning. It has only been a few months and I already feel lost in the "stressful" details of life. It is a blessing to get the chance to realize what is truly important, even if it is heartwrenching at times. Thanks for the reminder Brooks. When can I plan a welcome home party? We've been praying for your family, we love you guys and admire your strength and faith.
I just found your blog through another and have been reading about your sweet Emma Kate. May daughter, Charlotte, has hlhs and is eight weeks old. We have been home for five weeks. I will be praying for your family, and hope that you are all home soon!
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